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A Guide to Love, God, Prayer, Meditation, & Peace Within You—Right Now

Should I Leave My Fiancé or Should I Hang In There?

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Many years ago when Candace and I weren’t so busy running The Voice for Love, we had a place on our website where people could submit questions to Holy Spirit and we would answer each one from Holy Spirit in both written and audio format. Today, I ran across an old question and answer on my computer from seven years ago and thought I would share it with you. Read Nicole’s question below and then read Holy Spirit’s answer. It’s on whether Nicole should leave her fiancé or not…

Nicole: My fiancé and I just broke up, and I need to know if this was the right thing to do or not. I love him more than anything else in the whole world. We were planning on being married in April. I just felt like he put himself above me in his priorities. He would make plans with me and then go play golf instead, or he would simply forget to call because something more important came up. I love him and miss him very much, but I feel like maybe it’s best for us to be apart until he can change this selfish aspect of his personality. Should I be patient and stick it out or move on?

Holy Spirit: “Greetings and blessings to you precious one. To say that this person has a tendency to be selfish and to have the idea that you can change his personality, or that he can, is perhaps not very realistic. What is more realistic in making a lifetime commitment to someone is to make a commitment to who that person is in their entirety, to accept the things about them that you cannot change, and even different than that, to accept everything about them as potentially something that can never be changed, that who you know and see before you now is the person you will spend everyday of your life with. It is important to marry who is standing in front of you today and to not marry them for who you think they will become or to not marry them for who you are afraid they might turn into. It is the one in front of you who is real and who you would be spending your days with.

“If you cannot live with the selfishness of this person now, it may only be magnified over days, weeks, months, or years in a marriage. Can you imagine yourself in this relationship with these tendencies multiplying over time? Or can you see yourself making peace with this and not having this person’s selfishness impact you? Are you strong enough to not be affected by this person’s selfishness? Or would you rather make a lifetime commitment to someone who does not have selfish tendencies? If this person is selfish with you, what will they be like with your family, your children, or over a lifetime?

“This is an opportunity for you to do some soul-searching. If you experience this person as selfish, in what ways does his selfishness make you uncomfortable because you are selfish? What kinds of things about yourself would you like to change? What types of things about you would you like to experience differently? In what ways would you like to be different in a relationship? It is important for you to focus on you and to focus less on this person, their flaws, and the changes that they should make. Take this time to focus on you. What shifts can you make so that you like you better? In doing so, you will come to like yourself in such a way that you will attract and keep someone who equally likes themselves and who is equally committed to knowing themselves and working toward being the best person they can be.

“Have faith that this process is one that is serving you in every way. Blessings to you precious one. Amen.”

  • Ladysamson08

    Thank you for publishing this story. It’s my story — except it’s about an on/off again romance that has existed for the past (3) years. As I read the Holy Spirit’s response it was as though “God was speaking directly to me”. Like the Holy Spirit advised, I’ve done some serious “soul searching” this past year. What I’ve discovered is that I “like myself too much” to accept this type of behavior any longer. Also, I realized that I allowed my “fears of loneliness” to stop me from ending this non-committal behavior. The soul searching has resulted in a better, stronger woman. I want/deserve God’s best! In God’s timing, Mr. Godly Right Man will come into my life. Until then, God is working on me to be the right woman for the right man. God’s work is causing lots of changes in my life. The sacrifices/changes I make now, will result in a better present/future for me! The best is yet to come–I wait in great anticipation!!–Annamarie Pirone

  • I’m so grateful to hear it, Annamarie. Thank you so much for sharing, for loving yourself enough to know you deserve only the best, and for following your heart and trusting God. Keep up the great work!

  • Adrian

    Great article, thanks for sharing.
    I wonder if Nicole ever married or stayed with her Fiance’ ??

  • Michelle

    Thank you very much for sharing this information with everyone. I have so been there. I ended up marrying that person that was selfish. Guess what, it didn’t work out after seven years. Over time the issues only became greater! Don’t get me wrong, madly in love with him. Through the years…. I changed who I was for him. Our divorce is coming up Feb. 11th, 2011. The only one that can make miracles happen is the Lord! I feel that the Lord knows that my soon to be ex isn’t the right person for me. It hurts, don’t get me wrong. I have been in pain because of this since Feb. 2010. I would love to have that happy family back. I just know that things will never be the same. God has a plan for all of us. We have to pray on every move we make. I do have two Beautiful children from this marriage, which I am so blessed. They are the apple of my eye. I was told back in the day that there was a chance I wouldn’t never have children. I also know that no matter what we experience, that we are children of God. It has been a very tuff year for me. I struggle everyday to stay on the right path that is intended for me. I have to keep focusing on all the blessings that are right in front of me. I am so grateful that God loves us so much. We love you Father, thank you for all the blessings and the eternal gift you have for us! I pray that you will touch my spouse as well. I pray my spouse will come to know you as his Lord and Savior. In Christ precious name we will always pray, AMEN. When I say this prayer it is not for me, I want him to know Christ for his sake.

  • Oh how I wish I had this advice before I married my first three husbands.  I had sooo many lessons to learn through the school of hard knocks. It was may classroom, something to go through.

    “It is important to marry who is standing in front of you today” …that’s one of the biggest lessons of all, to love each person right where they are.  The truth is simple.  We make life so complicated with the ego’s drive to fix and change our outer world when change is always and only from within.