I met resistance this morning during my ritual quiet time. I am moving into a new phase in my life in regard to many, new, commitments. My children are both nearly grown and living their own lives so I am able to spread my wings and enter into new and richer commitments to myself and others. Guessing, by the dawn aggressiveness of my ego (which seemed to be on full alert and pissed at the new commitments), I must have been pushing a few of my own buttons as stuff was just rushing to the surface to be healed.
So I began to extend love to these thoughts and feelings but what I really wanted was more along the lines of “slaying the beast” rather than “loving it.” To me, “loving it” kind of implied that it could come back and bite me in the bum if I were not careful. I really wanted a forever more solution. I asked Holy Spirit for insight and help as I continued to fully welcome this resistance (an unwelcome intruder as I saw it). Here is the helpful (and sometimes hilarious) answer from Holy Spirit/HS (or as I sometimes think of it–Her Majesty’s Spirit/HMS):
HS: You already know this truth: Loving IS the forever more solution. Loving is what Love does. When you are in the state of true being—aware, open, ready, in precious anticipation—Loving is what happens. If you are not experiencing Love allow this truth to sink in. Your feelings are all equal. You don’t feel them equally because you have built up resistance to them as an immunity response. Notice how very effective this is. Love that it is so efficient, effective and powerful. Thank your resistance for the very perfect job it has done to shield you from the effects of total awareness of the Presence of God.
Me: Extending love to this resistance feels like I am standing in a small space with a big, formless, solid object and I am about two inches tall. It also feels like a muscle, solid, tight, unforgiving. I can see that loving is the form of stretching, flexing and relaxing the muscle to bring it to life. Is this resistance??? It is just an unused muscle?? Not something to be “got rid of” with a pain reliever or ignoral or “slaying”?? How ludicrous slaying sounded to me now, laughable even.
HS: Without resistance muscles atrophy. Without resistance electricity does not exist. Without resistance we never can know who we really are.
You need not fear resistance. This experience IS what wakes you up to truth. Move into it as you would wade into the surf at the beach. You are not conquering the ocean when you swim in it. You are becoming one with the water, allowing water to be who it is—a flowing of life that supports your self. When you surrender your fear and float or later on when you surrender your fear of action and learn to move in concert with the water, you allow it to support you in speed, precision and finesse as needed. If you fight the ocean and thrash about you exhaust quickly and sink like a stone.
Precious One (HS loves calling me that!), do you not know yet you are fully supported by the universe at all times? If you are experiencing push or stop or too hard or “I don’t like this!” imagine you are standing at a weight machine in the gym. In your willingness you chose to come to the gym. You desired peace, joy and strength in the form of a strong, limber muscle and now when the manner of how this peace, joy and strength is effected, namely, through resistance training, you fall to your knees and say “Why?” “Why can’t this go away?”
Dear One, muscle up! You already have the strength and courage and gentleness needed to experience all as love. The reason resistance training is needed is that you don’t see all as love yet. So know as you begin oh-so-slowly-at-first to extend love to your resistance that you will gather momentum and get so good at it and joy filled at the opportunity to extend love that you will float in strength and willingness in the full flow of Love’s Presence.