For years I have been doing battle with insomnia. At first, my sleep time went from seven to six hours, then down to five hours. Now I can only sleep for a little over four hours a night. It has been a source of stress for me, or perhaps the result of a lifetime accumulation of stress. All sleeping pills, natural and prescription, and all sleep techniques have been to no avail. The result has been a lot more stress and physical deterioration.
There is, however, a benefit that I just realized in the wee hours of this morning. I returned to bed at 5 AM, after an hour of sleeplessness in bed from 2 to 3 AM, and two hours of subsequent work on a presentation on photographic art, which I am to present next week. The looming day is packed with to-do’s, so I decided to give sleep one more try. To relax, I decided to do the most relaxing thing I know—extend Love to my thoughts. So, I curled up under the covers and invited Love in.
The experience of wonder settled in as I begin with gratitude for the wondrous child of God beside me, my husband. My thoughts encompassed the loving and humorous being of his spirit. How lucky I was to have met him, a man from a different background and perspective (after all, he is a man, with male habits that are hard to tolerate and comprehend!). Yet, in spite of our ongoing ‘squaring off’ on the stage of everyday life, his presence has been a beautiful gift.
From there, my thoughts went out to all members of my family, in turn, including my ex. Although we have our issues, as all families do, I realized that the function of each spirit in my life was just perfect. Gratitude magnified within me. The thought then came, “But you are extending love the thoughts you already love. Extending love is independent of whether or not you love the thought. Find thoughts you don’t love.”
By that time, I was already feeling so much love within, that it didn’t matter. I felt like I was just being that love. Then it occurred to me: This time awake in bed, when all the world was quiet and there was no one expecting anything of me, was very precious time. I was totally mentally free to take time to experience love in any of its flavors, including gratitude. It was healing manna for me, and isn’t that what sleep is supposed to be—a restorative time?
During the day, we step onto the stage of life, and we act out all of our chosen ‘doings’. It seems that all the technology in the world has tended to make life more busy, not less. So much more is available to perceive, and our brains are constantly impacted by the need to cope with yet one more thing. But for me, nighttime provides an excellent opportunity to be with Spirit, to affirm its reality as part of me.
Laying there, feeling the gratitude and love of Spirit, I had an instant understanding of something told to me long ago, when I had a natal horoscope done. I was told that I came into the world with a great gift of communication. “So what? What do I do with that?” has been my constant question to myself. But I realized that Holy Spirit, as the Voice for God/Source, has the purpose of communication of God’s truth into the consciousness of the child of God, as that child plays out all its roles on the stage of human life (all that daytime business).
Jesus is often referred to as the perfect manifestation of the Holy Spirit, as he gave words to God’s truth on the stage of human life. What about the rest of us? To serve as a conduit of God’s truth, to hear and manifest the Holy Spirit’s message, is what we too are here for. It is the goal of the 5 Steps to help us open up to that function within the parameters of our own life. Spirit’s message is like water—it takes the shape of anything to which it is applied, yet like a solvent, it changes the nature and the purpose of the form to which it is applied. That change starts as we extend Love to the thought of the form, even as we act out on the stage. We began to manifest Holy Spirit, within the parameters of our own role on earth.
My quiet time, allowing the presence of Holy Spirit Love, feeling that presence during the wee hours of the morning, is the refreshing nourishment to condition my body before it steps onto the stage of daily life. While that feeling is not continuously conscious in the foreground of the stage, it remains in the background, even as I act and react (often with stress) to the multitudinous impacts on my senses.
Spirit’s manna is indeed a gourmet feast fit for a king! It is the universal solvent, the vitamin of Life, the giver of strength to fiber, and the glue that connects the atoms of the world as the world morphs in our awareness from egoic mismatch to Love’s presence!
Now, if I could just get some sleep…:-)