Nicole: “I have been a student of A Course In Miracles for many years. I have always had issues with anxiety and depression, and after a particularly difficult time I got on an antidepressant. Last month, after 12 years using that medication, I came off it. I cannot believe how difficult this has been. I am so scared and obsessively worried all the time. I am realizing how much I have been living in fear, guilt and ego when I thought I was doing okay. I feel like I have woken up and real life is the nightmare. I just want forgiveness but can’t seem to find it in myself.”
The Voice for Love: “My dearest one, please know firstly that you cannot fail. You are on your path to awakening and no one can be left out or left behind. There is only one direction on this path, and it is forward into your Creator’s loving arms. You may determine the pace, but not the direction. And Holy Spirit is holding your hand every step of the way. So please do not see yourself—ever—as a failure. You are the creation of Love, having the experience of feeling separate from God, from Love, from Who You Truly Are. You are no less beloved for having this experience. And yet, it is only an experience, not something for which you are being judged.
“Though it is true that A Course in Miracles teaches that sickness is of the mind only and so is not ‘real’, it also teaches that healing is a process and can be accomplished through many means. It is not wrong or unspiritual to take a medication; please do not condemn yourself for doing so, nor deprive yourself of its relief out of fear or self-judgment. Holy Spirit is not limited by anything and is working with you exactly as you are, where you are, in any moment. Holy Spirit knows your True Self, and how to reach you and how to heal you. Trust that, and know that it is a process with many parts.
“For healing does not happen in one fell swoop; nor does forgiveness. You feel wrong about many things in your experience and forgiveness is indeed the appropriate tool, yet it is not simply a hammer hitting a nail. Forgiveness is planting a seed that then needs good soil, fresh air, water and sunlight, and time to bud and bloom. Be patient with yourself and oh-so-kind and gentle. Plant the seed of your decision to forgive yourself; water it with kindness and self-acceptance. Do not pour on the poison of self-judgment and self-rejection and then wonder why it does not take root and grow.
“Try this: Each morning to begin your day, be very still for a few moments. Sit in stillness and quiet, and find that same stillness and quiet within. You may not be able to do this easily or for long, but any number of moments is helpful and will expand with practice. In this still and quiet space, say one kind thing to you: I am the beloved child of God… I am safe and free… I and my Father are One… Then carry that kind thought with you like a touchstone throughout your day. If such words do not easily come to you, ask Holy Spirit to guide you, then open your ACIM randomly and with eyes closed place your finger upon the page. Ask for words of kindness and refreshment, hope and peace. Ask Holy Spirit to help you extend love to yourself.
“Make this your practice each morning. Do not judge yourself if you cannot stay long in the stillness and quiet; know that with practice you will be able to tolerate extending this kindness toward yourself more and more. For it will be uncomfortable at first and you will want to run away from it. But we beseech you to simply allow the experience to unfold, little by little. And soon a place of peace will grow inside your heart, a healed and holy place that will be your refuge.
“You are greatly loved, My dear one. God knows your heart, which is His own, and in your true essence you are healed already. It is the experience of waking from the nightmare to the happy dream that can be yours now. And ultimately from the happy dream to awakening in God, your true home.”