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A Guide to Love, God, Prayer, Meditation, & Peace Within You—Right Now

How To Truly Forgive and Forget


Noelle: “How does one truly forgive and forget betrayal, deception and lies of those you love? I was an adoptee. I also went through two bad marriages. I made lots of poor choices as an adult and have unvalidated feelings. But that was then and this is now. I am 58 years old and still cannot forgive and forget.”

The Voice for Love: “Firstly, thank you for this beautiful question. It is indicative of a strong and grateful heart, which is indeed a thing of beauty in this world.

“The pain within your heart is great, but know that it will heal with time. You have taken the first step with this expression of your desire to understand, to forgive, and to heal. For first must come the desire; the door is now open and the way will be revealed. It must be, for God always honors the sincere and seeking heart, which is Love made manifest.

“You say you have made many bad decisions. This is the burden you carry. You have weighted yourself down with guilt and judgment – judgment of yourself, first and foremost. You cannot move forward into true forgiveness of others from a place of self-loathing or self-rejection. Look back now and see the You of the past, at the place of each of these decisions you regret. Take the time to picture You at each of those moments of choice. You have judged her; now see her with eyes of Love. See who she was then and how she perceived the world and what pain she was carrying which would cause her to make decisions that brought more pain. For only someone in pain would do this to themselves. Painful decisions come from a place of insecurity, doubt, and despair.

“Your true essence is one of Love, for you were created by Love. Thus when decisions and choices are unloving to yourself, it is because you are going against your true nature. For this is the true source of pain: the denial of who you truly are. Perhaps in your early training you were taught to see yourself as sinful and defective, and that what you call ‘poor choices’ were the inevitable expression of that sinful or defective nature. This is not true, dear one. Your central, core essence is one of Love. When Love denies itself, it can only experience the pain, regret, loss, dissatisfaction and unfulfillment of not being and expressing its true nature.

“When you come to realize that you in these past actions acted from pain and denial of your true being, you will also see that this is true of others as well. Someone who would hurt, deceive or betray you, could only do so because of their own betrayal of themselves and who they truly are. This is all that is ailing each one, both the one that lashes out to hurt another, and the one who feels the hurt and cannot forgive. It may seem a daunting task to forgive such great injuries, dear one, but you have asked, and that asking is your beginning. We honor and celebrate you for this. And we encourage you to see this desire to forgive as a seed you have planted, and which will take time to emerge. For a seed does not instantly spring forth but rather first needs rich soil, water, air and light.

“You have planted the seed of your willingness to forgive. Now wait patiently and trust, and let forgiveness grow within you. Pray each day and ask, how may I tend this seed today? You may be led to shed tears of healing, to spend time in solitude, or to simply rest. You may be led to read a certain book or seek the company of a certain friend or to dance. Be led by Love, dear one, knowing and trusting all the while that the great work of forgiveness is being grown within you, and will sprout and bud and bloom with time and with healing. For your own heart must heal first, and you can never forgive another until you have forgiven yourself.

“We are so grateful to you for seeking in this way, Precious One. Please trust and know that all is not lost, all is never lost. You are the beloved child of God and you are never lost. Love cannot lose you. Love can only love you, and waits but your receiving.

“Blessings to you, and may peace wrap its arms around you, that you may feel the Love in which you dwell.”

  • Beautiful message, Val. Thank you so much for sharing God’s loving voice with Noelle and everyone else who reads this.

  • Sharongibson1956

    This sounded a lot like it easy meant for me.

  • Sherireese

    Thank you! I pray that I can forgive and erase the past as God does for us!

  • Joubert

    Hi Hi Hi my name is Joubert and i believe in Jesus CHRIST AND THAT I AM A NEW Ceation because of = Christ seed that now lives in me and brings me to my knees every time a stil do sin i realy like drinking beer but this is a problem as it doesnt end here and stuff gets out off hand i believe the Grace of God is changing me every day to live a better life in His overflowing Love that never ends i am just so thankful that God is in me and I am in Him and no matter how big my problems seem i feel the safest in His Arm He is unbelievable and no word can decsibe how much He loves us i personally have never felt something as amazing as His presence but i also realized that the Spirit of GOD IS HERE AND NO Matter what people say He will teach me learn me what way to go but sometime and dont like listening and this i dont like! haha ears is there to listen but i will stop the letter here because if we speak about the Kings of Kings i wont be able to stop typing and maby a bore people with this !

  • Heart4thesouth

    This is very touching in that the Holy Spirit gives what happened not only in my life or your life, but also in the life of the one who taught you that the world was bad, that you were flawed, that you needed to always be afraid and protect yourself or else be hurt. I relate a lot to the person asking the question because as is said so tritely in this day–” I have been there and done that”. Somehow inherently I know that it is only in loving myself and caring for myself that I can love others?? But the knowing this does not always come about the way I would like. It is not an overnight thing. I like the expression of the seed and the care of the seed. thanks for this sharing.

  • Dana

    One can never forget the experience what one must forget is the pain…

  • Thank you Noelle for your courage to ask this profound question.Do not we all carry hurts, and thus we can know ourselves as forgiveness…..? Thank you Val for sharing this beautiful answer, as this is healing to me….
    With love

  • pat

    When you put your trust in God and not in man and things you will receive love and compassion in your heart to forgive yourself and others. Stop re living your past and then receive the peace of Jesus.

  • Kimszoller

    This is a profound teaching that can truly change everything about one’s life – bringing so much more peace, love and joy into it!  Thank you Val for sharing this message from Holy Spirit.

  • Just Now

    I thought, at one point, that I had completely forgiven the molestation and rape perpetrated upon me by my father, but actually, since then, there has been points of even deeper forgiveness.  True, even the thoughts of the acts do not bother me like they used to–that lessened when I first felt the deep forgiveness.  It’s ok if we never forget, but to save ourselves, I think it’s always important to forgive and know that other people do sick things because they are hurting somehow, too.  We all deserve forgiveness and I hope we all extend it so that we receive it.

  • Just Now

    I haven’t meant to think of forgiveness as, “I am better, therefore, I will forgive your subordinacy,” but that I am just as capable of being unloving as the next.  Or just as capable of being my loving self as the next.

  • Kirk

    Thank you for this.  I would like to change my way of being in intimate relationships.  I would like to end the cycle of breaking up, and pain.  This shows me that I must forgive my past relationships, and my past self for what I created.

  • Lynnkirk

    Beautiful, Val!!!

  • Allena71 keliste Pacaldo

    thank you so very much…how soothing to the soul

  • Robinea’

    It all sounds wonderful, but HOW do you  forgive and forget something that someone is DENYING and you KNOW it happened? How do you heal from that – when there is no admittance as to what they did? How do you move on? Please?

  • Jan

    Beautiful, thank you for sharing

  • JeralitaCosta

    Thank you Holy Spirit for such a beautiful and loving message (as though there could be any other!) Thank you Noelle for asking the question and Val for facilitating Love’s answer. Namaste’

  • Thanks for all of your great feedback, Jeri. Blessings to you.

  • Val

    I too have had that dilemma. I was incested by my father and he never admitted it and in fact denied it to his dying day. If the admittance of the one who hurt us was truly necessary for forgiveness, then forgiveness would be out of the realm of possibility for me! What I understood after receiving this message from Holy Spirit is that forgiveness is a process facilitated by God. It is not the admission of the perpetrator that we must have (since that may never come), but our own willingness to forgive. We give our willingness and our trust. That’s our part. Forgetting, healing, moving on – none of these can we do ourselves. But God will work these miracles in us, through our willingness.

  • Elsataron

    Actually time heals nothing, in reality there is no such thing as time, the rest is very good.

  • Lyudmila Petrovskaya

    Thank you for this.I started practicing of forgiveness eight years ago after reading the book by L. Hay.It seems to me I’ve learned how to forgive but to forget…It seems to me that a person can forget only when something very happy and happens to him/her.I mean if we live in Love with a dear to heart person, enjoy every day with him, we are able to forget, our memory just start skipping sad moments.But how to make Universe help me to be with my beloved one…?

  • Evalisle

    It is wonderful to see the desire to heal and forgive as a seedling allowing Light, water and air.  So often we want instant change and to see the allowance of all-that-is is truly helpful.  Thank you for this dear message sister.

  • Louie Pable

    Thank you that very true words of forgiveness.  Now I know why I’m so lonely in the past few days and months.  I had wrongly nurtured hatred in my heart for someone who hurt me.  Now I know that it is because of what she had experienced and gone through.  Now I have to love those memories and thanks God for making me realize that He’s always there for me in times like those sleepless night.  Thank you for opening my heart and mind..

  • Yomioluwole

    Thank u for this message. It came at the right time and I’m highly blessed by it. I’ve been hurt, betrayed and highly disappointed by the one I truly love and trusted. Uptil now, she never saw anything wrong in what she did. This hurt has grossly affected my ministry and health. I’ve cried, wept, fasted, prayed but every time I think about the betrayal, I feel d pains. There is none that could counsel or understand my feelings. However, d Holy Spirit has been soothing me and your message is part of it.
    I’ve decided to move on and put the past behind me. But how do I trust her again when she has not ever retraced her steps? God help me.

  • Five27

    Hi,i was thinking about the Lords prayer,where we say ,as we forgive those who trespass against us.i think the bottom line on forgiveness,is for the simple reason that god cannot forgive us,unless we forgive others,so the outcome of forgiveness unties the hands of everybody and lets god do,what he would rather do. 

  • Mary

    I’m not sure that forgiveness necessarily means that you should trust her if she hasn’t acknowledge her negative behavior towards you.  Forgive but don’t forget because you might end up hurt again by this person.  Forgiving someone does not give them license to continue their abusive behavior.

  • twisha

    Thank you for this post. I am truly blessed that i have stumbled upon your site. I too have made so many wrong decisions in the past and deeply hurt by a failed relationship. Reading the comments and affirmations made me realize that i am not alone in this, that there are others who are going through the same thing. I know one day, ill be ok. Right now, i am allowing God to work through me, to heal me and help me forgive myself and that person who has hurt me.