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A Guide to Love, God, Prayer, Meditation, & Peace Within You—Right Now

How to Handle Rejection from Family Members

6 comments

Cindy: “How do we extend love to angry people who seem to want to dislike us, who need to blame others and refuse to accept love from us? This is a family member. I pray for them and try to see God inside of them, but it’s difficult. In the past I have tried to reach them, willing to discuss any fault they find with me, however, they just say no. I know this person is hurting and needs love. I just want to love them, yet they act as if they believe love makes people too vulnerable.”

The Voice for Love: “Precious One, please know firstly that consciously choosing to extend love to anyone or anything is always helpful, even if you cannot see the effects. There is more to your experience than meets the eye. So we thank you and encourage you to continue in your quest to extend love to others, even those who do not seem to want or accept your love.

“We would like to challenge you further, for in your quest to extend love, you are now seeking a deeper level of understanding and a deeper experience. You have extended love to the persons about whom you are asking; now extend love to the very behaviors they are expressing. Those behaviors are expressions of fear, doubt, guilt and pain. Although tempting to take their rejection personally you need not take them as personal attacks, though they are presented that way. You may also see these behaviors and expressions as separate from the person expressing them. See the person as innocent but fearful, and all these painful expressions as mere defenses, put up to avoid further pain.

“Extending love to negative behaviors may seem counter-intuitive or counterproductive, as though to do so means you approve of these things. Yet Love is not approval, but Love is acceptance of What Is. Love is knowing that you are both safe and free at all times. Love does not fear anything nor react to perceived attacks. Love is not defensive or resistant or afraid.Love allows others to be as they are, where they are, loving them even when pushed away. Love allows the pushing away. Love is at peace and loves anyway.

“It is possible to extend love from afar, to hold these dear ones in your heart despite their rejection of you. They are asking for their freedom – give it them. To be embroiled in conflict, to push or force or argue, this is not what Love would do. Love says, ‘Yes, you may be that way.’ Loves gives to all their freedom and loves anyway. Step back, dear one, from the pain of this situation. You need not fix it, solve it, or sort it out. Extend love to the situation exactly as it is – that is, extend patience; extend freedom; extend allowance; extend compassion. These are all facets of the great diamond of love that you hold. Love can be extended in infinite ways, so do not underestimate its power.

“Remember that what is resisted grows stronger; it must, to prove itself. Therefore, do not resist the painful behaviors of your loved ones. Accept, allow, extend love to all that is happening without resistance or fear. Love is a healing balm and is not limited by time or space. You do not have to convince these dear ones in your life to accept love. Only you can accept love, know love, choose love, and extend love for yourself. Each one must make this choice when they are ready. Love would never force itself on another who is not ready to receive it. Trust that all will come to the glory of Love in their own perfect time; that is what the journey of life is for.

“Rest, dear one, from your efforts. Extend love to yourself as well as others. Be at peace and trust that God knows the way into each and every heart.”

  • Nereida1pr

    Beautiful advice.  So helpful.  Definitely made me feel better and willing to continue to love in spite of feeling unloved and unappreciated by a loved family member.  

  • Five27

    That great diamond of love.

  • Anne

    How do I  “Accept, allow, extend love to all that is happening without resistance or fear” when my mentally disturbed brother has acted out in physically and verbally abusive ways in the past when he’s dealing with frustation and anger.  I know there is a lot of fear in him.  I  wipe the slate clean and keep treating him lovingly and calmly but I have become fearful of him.

  • http://www.thevoiceforlove.com DavidPaul Doyle

    Thank you for your comment, Anne. I wish I could give you a few paragraphs of text and all of a sudden have extending love to painful emotions and situations automatically “click for you” experientially. But there are so many subtleties and techniques involved in really being able to use and apply extending love in our most difficult situations. The most I can offer you is the opportunity to take a look at our extending love meditation course (http://www.thevoiceforlove.com/meditation.html) which is 6 hours of instruction on taking extending love deep, several hours of which is specifically about applying it to our emotions and painful situations. These are direct recordings from our one year embodiment program. This is the best thing I can offer you the sides a one-on-one session over the telephone or Skype. Blessings to you.

  • Maureen

    Thank you.  We have tried and do try but do not seem able to reach our sons wife. She in turn has now alienated their family from the rest of the family. They have changed their phone numbers, moved, changed jobs.   we know the root we know her pain, but she cannot trust us.  We know that she physically abuses her husband (our son) we know he retaliates, We know they do not look after the children adequately, social services are involved. we are afraid that she is involved with drugs again,  It is complicated, she will not accept help but screams when we do not help.  All 4 children have ‘issues’ because of their upbringing. on the other hand these people are the most generous people to someone down on their luck!!  BUt they will steal from their own sister  and swear at their Mother … at this point all we can do is pray for them and our relationship we do not even know where they are for sure.  We fear that we will read about them in the paper sometime. but the hardest thing I have done is handed my youngest son over to God I know God loves him and wants to prosper him so.. I just had to hand Keith & Michelle and the kids over to God and now I just pray.  We were once a close knit family & I will tell you it makes family get together’s very tough when one family is missing and has left on such harsh terms.

  • Anne

    Thank you for your support.  My first comment was made after a phone confrontation with my brother today and then after reading this article I felt discouraged.  I have reread this article several times and each time a little more sinks in and I feel hopeful.  There is a lot to think about, meditate on, and pray about.  Thank you for this deep thought-provoking article that will continue to influence how I relate to my brother.